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The Journey
I've been trying to remember when the Heroine's Journey began. It may have been on that spring day nearly 10 years ago, smoking rollies with my best witch friend Leala outside an empty church.
We spoke about the shadows in our lives: the violence, the self-hatred, the horrors, the losses. We remembered them from our newer safe places, our healing places, the places where we'd found the courage to see them and speak them aloud, carrying sunlight and life-force through these nightmare lands.
I began writing a book, about a girl named Kamaal, who undertakes our journey, the Heroine's Journey.
Sometimes this was a terrible thing to write. I lived each chapter anew every time I took pen to paper. I 'd stall out in part of her journey, and saw that my life at that moment was exactly reflected in her path. I was stuck in the caves for almost two years.
While I wrote, the idea for tarot cards kept threading around me, whispering that I needed to make Kamaal's deck. They asked to be created, to describe the unique quest of the Heroine; the journey of seeking and achieving wholeness. They asked to be shown, to embody the terrain and dark creatures and guides in her story, so they could reach others on this path. It was what I really wanted to do, but kept shooing away.
My critic stepped in hard, saying I was a grandiose imposter, a one trick pony whose trick was pretty lame. I wasn't qualified, or it wasn't serious enough, made no sense with a novel attached, and above all, who was I to think I could write her story, much less make a Tarot deck! My friend said that when the critic is super loud, that's when you know you're doing something cool-it freaks the hell out when new behaviors and ideas are blossoming.
So I kept writing, and slowly, slowly, like six years later, I've finished her book (in her final edits now, a miracle!) and began to build the Heroine's Journey Oracle deck. Synchronicities and support with artists and designers and folx who really got her story helped me in the deck's creation, and to keep the faith in the project. I love her and I'm still afraid to bring her into the world. My critic dips in and out of this process and it's super hard.
Through this, I honor her no matter what comes to squash it. My community and my guides keep me safe and strong, helping me to do one more card, one more instagram post, this website, etc., etc., without collapsing and giving up. This labor of love was life changing, brutal, inspiring, terrible and holy, repairing and healing my psyche.
Her/my story is also shrouded behind a black wall of Old Survival Defense. Part of me hates that I have to show Kamaal’s story to you, to promote and sell her journey so that you can heal and to make her visible and wanted in the world. The part of me that hides angrily is the Feral Girl, the one who wants to say NO and burn everything down.
A newer part of me enables me to go beyond the wall. She is my Bodyguard, who’s purpose is to protect and love the Girl, who needs care and a childhood. The Bodyguard (I think of mine as a red-headed giantess version of Xena the Warrior) tells her, “I’ll take care of everything, don’t worry, you can just play with the cat or color in your cozy chair, and I’ll be back soon with hot chocolates.”
These parts are all important and deserve respect. They all want to help-they like rescuing animals and bringing fellow orphans in from the cold. They care about suffering, about mine and others. They want to heal the pain within and without. So I find another part of me who can help me to do both-one I think of as a 'higher power', the Wise Woman. She channels the excitement of the Girl, the strength of Defense and the fierce love of the Bodyguard.
Wise Woman enables me to be creative and live meaningfully, to build the Oracle deck and be of service to others with her story.
I have seen my clients bravely undertake their personal quest, discovering different parts of themselves as they walk their road. Many of these facets are described in some form on Kamaal’s journey, reflecting universal themes that are simultaneously deeply personal. Kamaal's/my/our story has shown me how to better help myself and others on this path.
With gentle awareness, validating clarity, friendly understanding, and loving acceptance, we move toward the wholeness we seek.
My hope is that Kamaal's fable helps you through dark moments and memories, helps you reclaim your lost or broken parts.
My hope is that self-love is your first response, that you become powerful, creative and lively, with choice and meaning in your life.
My hope is that the Heroine's Journey Oracle deck will provide insight and companionship on your path.
The heart of this tale goes with you.